I think my vagina is haunted
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
