Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
