You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
