i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
