Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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