She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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