Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
