did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
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I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize