i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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