he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
