my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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