I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
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