So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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