when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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