You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
