Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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