I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize