Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
