You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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