its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
