well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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