I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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