I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
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