Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
