yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
