Moan for me like Helen Keller
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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