I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Are we still banned from the library?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
