Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
