That's intense
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize