she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I pour the whiskey from now on
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
