just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
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Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
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Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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