so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
