Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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