We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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