I think I died a long time ago.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
