She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
