Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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