her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
