We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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