found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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