It's just like the Real World with babies
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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