I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
