The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
