I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
