She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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