I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
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i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
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Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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