There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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