i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
