Apparently you make a good broom.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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