On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
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I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
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My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize