omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
