god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
