airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
