Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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