she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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