LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
