Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
