So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize