I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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